Mar. 12th, 2017 03:00 pm
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I've been writing! Actual words in an actual page of the notebook!

I just wrote something, and now I'm trying to stay cool and not freak out, in case that the mood passes and I can't get back in to it. Knock on wood, fingers crossed, salt over the shoulder! (Rationally I know that writing isn't actually a luck based thing, but really, why take the chance)

The Hobbit Big Bang story has to be in some sort of readable form in start of April when the artist claims start, so it's a bloody time I get stuck in that. I had an idea I feel excited about, and I'm hoping it will carry to the end.

So yay, writing! :D
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I've been working a lot lately and I've been so tired when I get home that I haven't even opened the writing document. And I really need to stuck into the Hobbit Big Bang, because I don't have a clear idea, so I need time to try things out.

Also, some great fics that I liked got deleted, and now I'm feeling really sad about it - I've never had that experience before, believe it or not. I didn't really start reading fics until my own writing was so tangled up and blocked that I couldn't even look at my files without having conniptions. Anyway, it was a strange thing to go look for a fic that was just there and now its gone. :(

I got a new jar of Lion's Mane -powder, hopefully few mornings of that in my coffee and my brain is back online again.
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Well, writing isn't going very well and I feel like I've tried everything possible to break through this stupid writer's block. Blargh, urgh, blah. Every time I start writing, my inner critic rushes over to point out that everything I write is stupid and will be most definetly hated and mocked.
So, how do you shut up the inner critic? With a ball gag?

Work has been nice though, and I had a fun gift-card shopping spree with all the birthday and Christmas presents - I got the new KonMari book with even more tips and tricks, and several brands of fancy organic coffee. Now I just have to return to my KonMari project - the books says that's it fine to take a break if you need one, just keep the end goal in mind and it's easer to get back to the tidying (I suppose that is a fine advice for writing as well).

We got a new brand of salt soaps at work, and we all got a tester - I think I'm going to go have a luxorious soak. Good way to spent the Monday evening, right?
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I started writing the Hobbit Big Bang idea, and I'm using some of the NaNoWriMo crawls for it. I'm trying not to get too worried about if it's any good or any of that stuff, I'm only trying to get some words at this point.

My niece turned one year old this week, good grief! What happened with time? o.O Before I know she'll be going to Uni or something... I send her some books, can't have too many books. Also her tactic to attack literature is to gnaw the books, so I thought it's not that bad if she gets several copies of the same thing.

I happened to get a bookshop gift card for my birthday, I was thinking maybe I should buy the new KonMari book - since my KonMari project has gone to a stand still. I should get back to it, when I have next day off...

But writing first!
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I signed up for the Hobbit Big Bang, now I need to start planning! I haven't really written anything this year, even though I wanted to go back to the slowly progressing daily wordcount thing I did last year.
I'll start today! (promise)

On happy bureacracy news, there was a drop in the general housing allowance that I get, but I didn't loose it completely, yay! And I got a new job contract for this year with a bit more hours promised, so hopefully the Public Employment Services don't bother with me (I'm working more, they should be pleased?).

Yep, so, I'm going to get right on that writing thing.
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Darn, I want to sign up to that, even if I promised myself that no more exchanges. Though technically speaking, I would be keeping that promise since it's a Big Bang, not an exchange (as such). Very different things!

I'm not sure if I have a workable idea, though. I have some bits and pieces in my notebook that i could work further, plus I've always wanted to try writing a modern Middle-earth. I could come up with something.

Well, maybe I decide tomorrow, when the 2017 is officially here. Happy New Year!
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Starting in January, the governement is bringing up "new" ways to deal with the unemployed - mostly it's just buttload of the same old bureacracy that the Public Employment Services have tried to get rid of, mostly because that type of bureacracy costs a lot, wastes everyones time and doesn't help any. So. /roll eyes
(Though my friend was excited, mainly because she's hoping to get a job at the PES office, so now that they are faced with tons of work, maybe they'll hire more people :P)

I don't know if these new bureacratic measures affect me or not, and that's pretty stressful. I have a part-time job, so possibly in the PES point of view I am employed (they might not differentiate how much work you have, just that you have it) and they won't bother me with the new bureacracy. Or the new orders include everyone listed at PES, in which case I can expect hilarious phone calls in the lines of: "Tell me your plans to find a job? - I already have a job - alright, I'll call again in three months."

Sigh. Well, there's no point to worry about it, since bureacracy works in the mysterious ways that we are not supposed to understand, only marvel.
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Phew, I'm knackered and there's still two more days to go - no matter how well I know that Christmas season means a lot of work, it still comes as a surprise every year. Though I did try magnesium supplements and my feet don't really hurt that much, it's great.

For Christmas I have big plans of wearing pajamas all day, watching Die Hard (my favorite Christmas movie :D) and eating raw chocolate, and NOT speaking to anyone. Total seclusion! I'm sick of people!

...Well, I can't be sick of people yet, because there's two more days left and I have to keep smiling and selling stuff. But Saturday morning, full on silence starts!

Or, with my luck, I crash down with the head cold. No, I don't want to, knock on wood!
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I woke up 6 am. to the snowplowers, and after one cup of coffee I suddenly felt like this is the morning to konmari my dvd collection. Hour later it was sorted! I have found that the mood is rather critical on this - when it feels like you are ready to sort stuff, it's good to listen to that feeling, because the whole process will go quick. (Officially I should be sorting through the papers at this point, but that's not working, so I'm skipping ahead.)

150 dvd's out, 200 stays. Surprising numbers, because I was absolutely certain that I have +400 dvd's, but nope, not even close. I'm packing the dvd's and hauling them to the cellar storage for now, I was thinking that I could get someone to give me a lift to the recycling center in the spring, so I could take everything at one go. Also, someone had broken my storage locker door, so if anyone feels like stealing the stuff meant for recycling, that would be great because then I don't have to do anything at all! :P

Anyway, it's clear now that I won't finish the KonMari round until the New Year, but hopefully before summer? That would be great.
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It's the annual birthday angst day!

Every year I feel like I should be doing something special and memorable, but birthday ends up being just the plain old day like any other. I don't know how to spent it right! I never can come up with something I wouldn't (or couldn't) do in any other day as well.

I did eat a big piece of chocolate cake, so that was something. Also, I spent 25 minutes in the line for the post office - and when I stepped out of the post office, I got an automatic message from the post office that I have a packet waiting for me. D'oh! >.< So now I have to go stand in line again tomorrow, because the message didn't arrive three minutes earlier when I was still at the post office counter. (Well, maybe not tomorrow, I have a long day at work and I'm probably too tired and hungry to stand another 25 minutes in the line).

Good riddance birthday, let's not see each other for another year.

Bye NaNo!

Nov. 30th, 2016 10:32 am
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I got my winner's badge, though I have to admit that it's a rebel-rebel-rebel NaNo win.
But there was that one shiny week of old-school NaNo writing, which I'm very proud of! And I didn't give up, but just adjusted the writing plan and kept on going. That's great too!

I also learned about the greatness of the word crawls, and I tried to plan my story before hand using the beat sheets as help. It would be interesting to try using the beat sheet to WIP's I have - I think it would help me to see where the story has stalled, or if there's a beat missing somewhere. Especially the Unconventional Courtship story that I have kept on writing since summer - it would be fun to finish it some day :D (not that I would post it anywhere, but for my own personal satisfaction of finishing it the way I imagined it back in June).

Lots of work coming up before Christmas, but I'm hoping to keep up some sort of writing rhythm, now that I remember how to start writing every day.
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Few days left, and my NaNo project is a tangled mess.

The first week went perfectly with the official NaNo style - one story, the 1667 a day, steady as can be.

Then second week my own story stalled so I shifted to fic writing, but still - one story, the 1667(ish) a day, no problem.

Third week I hit the wall with the fic too, so I tried to get the words by writing short things in my notebook (all that I now have to type in document to add to the official word count).

Fourth week, this week, I had a lot of work hours. (There was a Black Friday sale in the shopping center. Why are we having a Black Friday, when it doesn't mean anything around these parts you ask (and customers also asked)? Beats me. Sounds snappy in the marketing materials?) So writing got sidelined, but I got some bits and pieces done here and there. My notebook is one big mess, let me tell you.

So now I'm trying to get a picture how behind I really am, how big last minute manic rush I need on Wednesday and do I get the NaNo banner or not?
It's a rebel-rebel win (again), but I still want it!
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Despite my valiant efforts of careful planning (as in, slapdash and vague), my original story didn't progress much beyond the first week of NaNo. I was starting to like my characters, but they didn't work on the concept I had for the story.

So, after a few zero days, I gave up and shifted to fic writing. Rebel NaNo it is!

I had such high hopes for my own story, and I had fun writing it at the start, so I'm somewhat disappointed. But Rebel Win is still a win, so I'm going to aim for that!

Thirteen days left!
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It's day five of NaNo, and I'm keeping up with the par - it creates these pretty, even columns in the graphic.

I did come up with names (and genders) for my three main characters, but the buggers are shifting around the story. Who is the protagonist? What does she want? That would be really helpful to know by now. Ugh.

So I'm bogged down by my own indecision, which is just part of the NaNo experience!

It's a good start though, here's hoping it will last all the way to the end...
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Only few days left until NaNo!

I've been working on story beat sheets, which are pretty great - easy way to think the whole story. I still don't have any names for the characters, and actually I keep going back and forth if they are even men or women - so not a good start there. I know what they should do, just not who they really are! Troublesome.

I would like to have a clear plan for the first week, because that way it will be easier to keep going.

Ready, steady...NaNo!
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A week left until NaNo!

I have a vague concept of the story, three characters without names (names are the worst, I can never choose), and I found a few prompt generators that might help when the inevitable block hits.
Also there's a local kick-off meeting planned for Monday! So, ready-set-go?

Just one problem. I haven't really written anything since August. Uh oh?

Which means hitting the word count on the 1st of November will be a serious struggle, I know it.
Alright, it's always a struggle, that's what I have learned from the three previous rounds of NaNo crazyness. The possible easy writing days won't come until the middle, and to get there is always a battle. But when you hit that stride, it's pretty amazing.

Well, I have time now! A few ten minute writing sprees to warm up to the thought that I need dozens of those in a day for thirty days straight...
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I have some ideas doodled for NaNo - also I created the novel, downloaded a cover picture + named the story project. Solid start!

I need some warm-up writing challenges for the next weeks, because it will be too big of a leap to go from 0 words to 1667 a day. It's not impossible, but it's just unnecessary hard.

I bought CA:Civil War blu-ray, and oh dear, on second time around I liked the movie even less. I was plain bored and went to wash the dishes half way through. That is not a good thing. Oh dear. :(

Well, back to planning...NaNo is coming!
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I did the book decluttering step of KonMari.

Upside: my tiny bookshelf looks neat and tiny, and there's actually room! And I don't have books anywhere else but in the bookshelf, which in itself is amazing achievement.

Downside: the second-hand bookshop owner totally played me and I fell for his sobstory, goddammit. Now I feel stupid for not asking more for my books - they were neat and in good condition, and I just agreed to give them away for basically nothing.

Alright, in all honesty, I was planning to donate the books anyway, I just spotted the second-hand bookstore and went in to ask if they would buy my books. So instead dragging the books to the Red Cross donation spot across the town, I just donated them to an old geezer two blocks over, who now can sell them, get a profit and pay his sales person his salary. So, still a good deed? Even though I was bit gullible about it?

Gah. I knew books would be a difficult step for me, but I didn't think it would be in this particular way.
I need coffee.
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I've been trying to declutter my home following the KonMari method, and I'm only in the second step - the books.

I'm looking at the pile of books I have, and I'm both surprised how few (?) and how many books I have - I'm pretty sure I own more than this, but for the world of me I can't figure out where they are... But I clearly remember some books that I have but I haven't found. Strange!

This going through stuff is surprisingly exhausting, and I do hope the method holds true in that I don't have to do this again. Because I think one time is quite enough of this!

Sigh. Coffee break!
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Darn it, what's wrong with my creative brain? The daily word count thing has been absolute battle, and I've more fail days than success days - and the word count needed isn't even high! It's ridiculously low, in fact! I don't know, it just feels so darn impossible.

I've been trying to collect ideas from different prompt generators and such, just in case I'll find the writing groove for NaNo. At this pace, there's no point to even try, because it will be an instant fail. :(

Maybe the problem is that I haven't found an idea or a concept that would really get me excited, it all just feels sort of...murky. Blah.

Six weeks until NaNo, there's still time to find the lost groove.


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