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I signed up for the Hobbit Big Bang, now I need to start planning! I haven't really written anything this year, even though I wanted to go back to the slowly progressing daily wordcount thing I did last year.
I'll start today! (promise)

On happy bureacracy news, there was a drop in the general housing allowance that I get, but I didn't loose it completely, yay! And I got a new job contract for this year with a bit more hours promised, so hopefully the Public Employment Services don't bother with me (I'm working more, they should be pleased?).

Yep, so, I'm going to get right on that writing thing.
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Darn, I want to sign up to that, even if I promised myself that no more exchanges. Though technically speaking, I would be keeping that promise since it's a Big Bang, not an exchange (as such). Very different things!

I'm not sure if I have a workable idea, though. I have some bits and pieces in my notebook that i could work further, plus I've always wanted to try writing a modern Middle-earth. I could come up with something.

Well, maybe I decide tomorrow, when the 2017 is officially here. Happy New Year!

Bye NaNo!

Nov. 30th, 2016 10:32 am
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I got my winner's badge, though I have to admit that it's a rebel-rebel-rebel NaNo win.
But there was that one shiny week of old-school NaNo writing, which I'm very proud of! And I didn't give up, but just adjusted the writing plan and kept on going. That's great too!

I also learned about the greatness of the word crawls, and I tried to plan my story before hand using the beat sheets as help. It would be interesting to try using the beat sheet to WIP's I have - I think it would help me to see where the story has stalled, or if there's a beat missing somewhere. Especially the Unconventional Courtship story that I have kept on writing since summer - it would be fun to finish it some day :D (not that I would post it anywhere, but for my own personal satisfaction of finishing it the way I imagined it back in June).

Lots of work coming up before Christmas, but I'm hoping to keep up some sort of writing rhythm, now that I remember how to start writing every day.
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Only few days left until NaNo!

I've been working on story beat sheets, which are pretty great - easy way to think the whole story. I still don't have any names for the characters, and actually I keep going back and forth if they are even men or women - so not a good start there. I know what they should do, just not who they really are! Troublesome.

I would like to have a clear plan for the first week, because that way it will be easier to keep going.

Ready, steady...NaNo!
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Darn it, what's wrong with my creative brain? The daily word count thing has been absolute battle, and I've more fail days than success days - and the word count needed isn't even high! It's ridiculously low, in fact! I don't know, it just feels so darn impossible.

I've been trying to collect ideas from different prompt generators and such, just in case I'll find the writing groove for NaNo. At this pace, there's no point to even try, because it will be an instant fail. :(

Maybe the problem is that I haven't found an idea or a concept that would really get me excited, it all just feels sort of...murky. Blah.

Six weeks until NaNo, there's still time to find the lost groove.
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August just swooshed by, I can't believe it. It's not long until the Christmas season sales starts, unbelievable.

Writing wise, August went up and down; I got a good stretch of writing with a set daily word count (it wasn't high word count, but still) but then I missed a few days and I couldn't get back on track again. So that was a disappointment.

But another month, another try of getting the routine down. It's not long until NaNoWriMo, so perhaps I should start planning something for it. Since I got zero ideas, it might take a while.

Sigh. Won't writing ever get any easier? I suppose it won't, but still. Damn.
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I was trawling through fics to read, when I found this big treasure trove of smutty goodness. I read it through, and I really admire this writers style. They wrote their fics in Tumblr, so they had this way of going straight to the point, describing the smutty parts in short, concise way, and all the while maintaining the tension. The ending was just that - the story ended.

That is brilliant! I want to learn how to do that. I think I go straight to the point and write in concise way, but that's not really true - usually I keep adding stuff, worldbuilding and interior decorations and what not. Maybe that's why I've had such trouble filling the Season of Kink -card? I have plenty of conversations, not enough action.

Maybe it's all about focusing the story, like really closing in on the one moment that is the most important. One of the writing books I've been reading mentioned a inch by inch picture frame -method; you only need to show that much about the story (the advice was aimed on how to get yourself writing when you don't want to, but I think the advice would be applicable here).

I'll have to test this idea, see what happens.
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Well, I've been coloring, but instead getting any ideas about writing, I'm now totally hooked on coloring. Blast! :D

I noticed that if I color awhile in the morning, I worry about things less and I feel more relaxed during the day. Also, this way I got the perfect excuse to indulge my desire for pens, and I bought a new set of coloring pens. Nothing fancy or expensive, but the new set have brighter colors and better grip than my old ones.

I don't know what's blocking my writing - I know I can start a project, but I just...don't. It's like an invisible barrier I need to push through, but I don't have the will for it.
It's just really frustrating.

Maybe it will sort itself out eventually.
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Sigh. This was rather terrible Camp Nano - I didn't manage a single kink bingo square, when my original plan was to get the line bingo. And I didn't come up with a different project, so I basically shifted the goal to editing the 'Hank/Alex Unconventional Courtship' -fic from the last Camp - and even that didn't really work, because that fic is still unfinished. :(

So. I got the Nano win, but honestly, the 10K was just a big pile of word fudging so it doesn't feel like a win.

It's almost August! And around here, that means that schools are about to start, which in turn means there's a lot of notebooks, pens and stuff on display in the stores. And that means that I'm locked in a battle with my inner child who wants ALL THE PENS and ALL THE NOTEBOOKS (like, one with Captain America and one with Iron Man and one with...)

I have enough empty notebooks that I could write longhand for every single day for a year and I still wouldn't run out of paper, and enough pens to go with that. So, pretty sure I don't need more. Except there are pens that have ink that smells like candy!?! :D (no, I didn't buy them, the grown-up part over ruled the excited child part, but I really wanted them)

But honestly, would one more pen be that bad?
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Ten days of Nano, and already I have three zero days :( That's not a good start.

Part of the problem is that I haven't settled on a project yet - I've been adding bits and pieces on different stories, but that won't carry through the whole month (well, three zero days already, so...)

I should have two long, new stories I can shift back and forth, because that has been so far the best system for me.

But where to get those two big ideas? So far anything I've gotten haven't really grabbed me. Well, there's still three weeks left.
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Camp Nano didn't start so well, I'm already behind the day goal and it's not even a high one in the first place. :(

Mostly the problem is that I can't decide what to write, so I've been sampling different stories. Nothing has peaked my interest so far, but hopefully the inspiration strikes soon.

Also the weather has been disgustingly hot and I had a lot of work last week (and some challenging customers, who were really mean to me and said some nasty shit that I had to listen politely), so I've been tired and sad. Not the best writing mood, as it was.

Well, it's only start of the Camp, hopefully there's good writing days ahead.
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Camp NaNo starts today! My cabin is very enthuastic, they started at midnight but I didn't manage that - I actually fell asleep during the soccer game, and I just read the news that it had been very exciting. Darn! And there isn't that many games left until the final.

Anyway, the Camp. I have three plans and I'm not feeling any of them at the moment. Maybe I'll just write something random for the first day, see if something shakes loose. Also, I found my writing calendar, yay! That should help to keep track of things.
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I posted two big things last weekend, practically back to back. It was a serious push, but it was pretty amazing feeling when I got everything done before the deadline. Deadlines rule! :D

I missplaced my writing calendar with the daily smiley faces, and I realized that this was propably why June was pretty much a fail on the writing front. Beside the challenge related stuff, I didn't write anything.

So, that's not good - considering that July will be Camp Month, as in writing every day? (though I'm working on Friday, so I don't know if I manage to start on the 1st of July, but on principle every day).

I need to find that calendar! It seems I need to see the progress for it to be real.
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Alright, I think I got my plan for Camp Nano - or at least a good attempt of a plan?

So, I took a good look of the bingo card and chose a line that felt most inspiring. Then I took my little pink notebook of kink meme prompts (for some reason I have like hundreds of prompts noted down from different memes. It's a strange prompt squirreling behaviour that I like to do :D Helps when I'm lacking ideas, which is always) and combined squares with prompts.

Two upsides with this plan: 1) now I have all five squares set with characters and basic comcept, and I can easily write any of them in any order, and still keep track what to do next (important feature in Nano) and 2) since they are kink meme prompts, and I can post them in the memes and neatly sidestep the whole 'posting on AO3' -anxiety and maybe dial the smut up as well.

Downside is that during Nano I tend to throw the plan out the window, so... I might have just wasted an afternoon on this XD
Well, still a week more until the Camping starts, I have time to plan some more.
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Well, it turned out that the most effective way to get over the posting panic is to have a deadline. Surprise! I posted MCU AU fic without hesitation when the deadline clock was ticking down - though it does help that the collection doesn't open until the end of the week, so there's still time to fix mistakes. No matter how carefully I try to spellcheck/grammar check the fic, there's always something wrong when it's posted.

I should actually go through all my fics someday, and just edit the heck out of them. It would be easier now when time has passed and I don't have any recollection what I wrote few years ago. (There are some stories that I'm surprised to discover as mine).

Other than that, I've been trying to think some sort of project for the NaNo Camp - I'm afraid if I just set the bingo line as a goal, I'll get stuck on the smut part. Though bingo line has upside in that it's five stories, so I can easily switch around when stuck. On the other hand, I had great fun writing with the UC concept, and I have about ten, fifteen summaries saved. I could give it another spin, even if the challenge has ended?

Well, there's still time to plan the camping trip :D
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I have read so much of these "I don't know canon, but love the fics about this pairing" -fics, that I suspect I could make a passable attempt on writing fic of my own. XD There's about ten factoids that kept popping up, if I smacked them all into one fic, it might sound just about right.

Which only shows that fic writers describe the chracters much more than they think they do, in addition of using a steady set of things that immediately make the chracter recognizable. Which is actually interesting, if you think about 'OOC'-ness. Maybe it's just that the writer didn't use any of the usual markers (like shortcuts) for the character but didn't describe them in their own way either. Hence reader feeling unsure or confused about what's going on.

Anyway, I thought it was interesting how you can 'build up' the character across dozens of different fics.

I'm reading too much, I should be writing really. I think I need pull up the Moosti-timer again, that should help me focus on the task at hand.
Oh, coffee first!
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I managed to get 1500 words together by the Unconventional Courtship date - I realized that the overall story didn't work because I tried to change between POV's. So I took out one characters POV, smoothed it over and it was a focused piece on how the overall story would start.
Maybe I'll take the rest of the 12K, and rework them so my Camp Nano time wasn't completely wasted.

Though there is a new Camp in July, maybe I should start brainstorming for ideas - I have my Season of Kink 2016 -card, for example. But I don't know if I can write smut, yet. This whole 'getting out of writer's block' -thing is very new and fragile.

Also posting the UC piece went rather well, I wasn't particularly anxious. Maybe it was because I didn't post it in the AO3 collection, but in the DW page - I knew no one would read it there, so zero nervousness. I don't know why posting bothers me so much now, when before it was easy as anything. Stupid brain :(

Oh, and another strange thing. I've been reading massive amount of fic in a fandom I know nothing about (or very vague points through fandom osmosis). It's just such good fic, I'm enthralled by this pairing, and the way the writers write it - I have no clue what the canon characters are like, and frankly I don't care. Don't want to watch the show, the fic is great, I want the fic! It's like finding a great ice-cream flavor - can't stop, won't stop :P
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My Unconditional Courtship date is this Sunday, and my story is far from finished. It's not even close. It's spread across six or seven documents, I have changed some fundamental bits that render big chunks of already written stuff useless, there's stuff missing and I have no clue how to get different parts of the story to click together. I don't know how I managed to edit this story into a worse shape than what it was as a raw text. :(

But I have a plan B: I'll whip up a completely new +1K story on Saturday, polish it up and post it on Sunday. UC isn't an exchange, so I'm really just disappointing myself. Well, it could be a brilliant 1K story (and therefore not disappointing)? Or I might get a sudden lightbulb moment and figure out how to make the first story to work, maybe in a smaller scale? There might be a good 5K section there that could function well on its own.

Also, the thought of posting something makes me kind of nauseated from fear and anxiety. Uh.
And this is a low-stress challenge, nothing to get upset about! >.< I'm just ridiculous, I don't know why I'm reacting this way.

Fingers crossed for Sunday.
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Less than two weeks to my posting date on Unconventional Courtship, and my fic is in complete shambles. It's getting worse with every attempt of editing, or so it feels.

And here's the question I've been trying to answer since the start: why would a man wear a veil? I can't really skip that part, because it's rather central point of the Harlequin summary.

Also, I've been going back and forth between (pseudo)historical setting, and (pseudo)modern, and now I have no clue which one would work better. The veil thing doesn't work either way, so that's no help.

I suppose I could always abandon this fic and write something quick and short, but I already have 10K of this, so it feels bad to just toss it?
Gah! I had such fun writing this too.
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Uh, I've been editing the Unconventional Courtship story and I feel like it's just a big heaping mess. Well, that's how editing goes, doesn't it?
Still, it's hard work, and I don't think all those plot structure advices have helped any. The story is rather flat, or maybe I've been just staring at it too long.

My computer has been bit moody lately, and the guy who fixed it so well last time has closed his business. Which is unfortunate because now I don't know who to call. The other business in the area are either much too far or they are based making homecalls, and I don't want a stranger in my home. I just want to drop my computer off, and have it back better than new. That's what the previous guy did!

Sigh. I had hope this computer would hold on few more years, because getting a new one will require serious re-budgeting and I just got things rolling smoothly.

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