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May has started in a chilly weather - and I love it! :D I have woolly socks on, that's amazing. There is actual minus celcius degrees at night! Love it (because I can push window washing to June :P Too cold!)

Other than that, I've been writing a lot in a desperate attempt to get my HBB fic as close to finished as possible, but I think I have to admit a defeat on that and send what I have to my artist - it's hardly fair to make them wait when I'm stuck with the ending. Most of the story is together, so I think they can get a pretty good idea what the story is about? I hope?

The upside is of course that I've been writing a lot! That's amazing, and I wish I can keep going with that, it feels really good.

Next weekend is my mother's birthday party, and I'm so NOT looking forward to that, because there will be lots of relatives that I don't care about and I have to muster some inner will to be polite to, so. Exhausting. Though it's also the Eurovision weekend, so there's that to look forward to!

I'm trying to focus on the positive side here :D
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I got a new, short hair-do - my head feels oddly light, even though I didn't have very long hair before. The hairdresser showed me how to do curls by using the straightening iron (my mom is having a big birthday shindig this year, so I needed some help for fancier look) and it looked so simple! And I'm sure I can never do it myself! I need to practice for few weeks, see if I can replicate it.

Also I need to find a pretty skirt, shoes and some sort of glittery head piece or hair pin - I feel like that's fancy enough and won't blow my budget, since I also need to find a present and book a hotel room for the weekend.

So lots to do! And it's the last week of Camp Nano, and I want to get this fic beaten into submission - I have easy week coming up, so I have time to write too /knock on wood

Dinner, coffee and writing, in that order!
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I have discovered the deliciousness that's tea with a wedge of lemon! I'm a strict 'milk and sugar' with my aproach to tea, but I bought lemons because I wanted to try baking a pie (I know! Me! Baking! The end is nigh). Anyway, I only needed the peel, so then I was left with the actual lemon flesh to use. I plopped wedge into my tea and wow. It's tart, but it enhances the tea flavor, so when you happen to have a good tea to start with, then...Yum!

Also the pie turned out alright - it's the quark pie that my mom used to make when we were kids, and I happened to find the recipe (my mom lost her copy when she moved, and she didn't remember the name of the pie). It was delicious, but even when I split the recipe in half, I still had a big tray of it - maybe too much pie for one person. But I baked something and it was edible, so whoo! :D Success!
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Well, writing isn't going very well and I feel like I've tried everything possible to break through this stupid writer's block. Blargh, urgh, blah. Every time I start writing, my inner critic rushes over to point out that everything I write is stupid and will be most definetly hated and mocked.
So, how do you shut up the inner critic? With a ball gag?

Work has been nice though, and I had a fun gift-card shopping spree with all the birthday and Christmas presents - I got the new KonMari book with even more tips and tricks, and several brands of fancy organic coffee. Now I just have to return to my KonMari project - the books says that's it fine to take a break if you need one, just keep the end goal in mind and it's easer to get back to the tidying (I suppose that is a fine advice for writing as well).

We got a new brand of salt soaps at work, and we all got a tester - I think I'm going to go have a luxorious soak. Good way to spent the Monday evening, right?
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I started writing the Hobbit Big Bang idea, and I'm using some of the NaNoWriMo crawls for it. I'm trying not to get too worried about if it's any good or any of that stuff, I'm only trying to get some words at this point.

My niece turned one year old this week, good grief! What happened with time? o.O Before I know she'll be going to Uni or something... I send her some books, can't have too many books. Also her tactic to attack literature is to gnaw the books, so I thought it's not that bad if she gets several copies of the same thing.

I happened to get a bookshop gift card for my birthday, I was thinking maybe I should buy the new KonMari book - since my KonMari project has gone to a stand still. I should get back to it, when I have next day off...

But writing first!
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I signed up for the Hobbit Big Bang, now I need to start planning! I haven't really written anything this year, even though I wanted to go back to the slowly progressing daily wordcount thing I did last year.
I'll start today! (promise)

On happy bureacracy news, there was a drop in the general housing allowance that I get, but I didn't loose it completely, yay! And I got a new job contract for this year with a bit more hours promised, so hopefully the Public Employment Services don't bother with me (I'm working more, they should be pleased?).

Yep, so, I'm going to get right on that writing thing.
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Darn, I want to sign up to that, even if I promised myself that no more exchanges. Though technically speaking, I would be keeping that promise since it's a Big Bang, not an exchange (as such). Very different things!

I'm not sure if I have a workable idea, though. I have some bits and pieces in my notebook that i could work further, plus I've always wanted to try writing a modern Middle-earth. I could come up with something.

Well, maybe I decide tomorrow, when the 2017 is officially here. Happy New Year!
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Starting in January, the governement is bringing up "new" ways to deal with the unemployed - mostly it's just buttload of the same old bureacracy that the Public Employment Services have tried to get rid of, mostly because that type of bureacracy costs a lot, wastes everyones time and doesn't help any. So. /roll eyes
(Though my friend was excited, mainly because she's hoping to get a job at the PES office, so now that they are faced with tons of work, maybe they'll hire more people :P)

I don't know if these new bureacratic measures affect me or not, and that's pretty stressful. I have a part-time job, so possibly in the PES point of view I am employed (they might not differentiate how much work you have, just that you have it) and they won't bother me with the new bureacracy. Or the new orders include everyone listed at PES, in which case I can expect hilarious phone calls in the lines of: "Tell me your plans to find a job? - I already have a job - alright, I'll call again in three months."

Sigh. Well, there's no point to worry about it, since bureacracy works in the mysterious ways that we are not supposed to understand, only marvel.
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Phew, I'm knackered and there's still two more days to go - no matter how well I know that Christmas season means a lot of work, it still comes as a surprise every year. Though I did try magnesium supplements and my feet don't really hurt that much, it's great.

For Christmas I have big plans of wearing pajamas all day, watching Die Hard (my favorite Christmas movie :D) and eating raw chocolate, and NOT speaking to anyone. Total seclusion! I'm sick of people!

...Well, I can't be sick of people yet, because there's two more days left and I have to keep smiling and selling stuff. But Saturday morning, full on silence starts!

Or, with my luck, I crash down with the head cold. No, I don't want to, knock on wood!
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I woke up 6 am. to the snowplowers, and after one cup of coffee I suddenly felt like this is the morning to konmari my dvd collection. Hour later it was sorted! I have found that the mood is rather critical on this - when it feels like you are ready to sort stuff, it's good to listen to that feeling, because the whole process will go quick. (Officially I should be sorting through the papers at this point, but that's not working, so I'm skipping ahead.)

150 dvd's out, 200 stays. Surprising numbers, because I was absolutely certain that I have +400 dvd's, but nope, not even close. I'm packing the dvd's and hauling them to the cellar storage for now, I was thinking that I could get someone to give me a lift to the recycling center in the spring, so I could take everything at one go. Also, someone had broken my storage locker door, so if anyone feels like stealing the stuff meant for recycling, that would be great because then I don't have to do anything at all! :P

Anyway, it's clear now that I won't finish the KonMari round until the New Year, but hopefully before summer? That would be great.
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It's the annual birthday angst day!

Every year I feel like I should be doing something special and memorable, but birthday ends up being just the plain old day like any other. I don't know how to spent it right! I never can come up with something I wouldn't (or couldn't) do in any other day as well.

I did eat a big piece of chocolate cake, so that was something. Also, I spent 25 minutes in the line for the post office - and when I stepped out of the post office, I got an automatic message from the post office that I have a packet waiting for me. D'oh! >.< So now I have to go stand in line again tomorrow, because the message didn't arrive three minutes earlier when I was still at the post office counter. (Well, maybe not tomorrow, I have a long day at work and I'm probably too tired and hungry to stand another 25 minutes in the line).

Good riddance birthday, let's not see each other for another year.
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I did the book decluttering step of KonMari.

Upside: my tiny bookshelf looks neat and tiny, and there's actually room! And I don't have books anywhere else but in the bookshelf, which in itself is amazing achievement.

Downside: the second-hand bookshop owner totally played me and I fell for his sobstory, goddammit. Now I feel stupid for not asking more for my books - they were neat and in good condition, and I just agreed to give them away for basically nothing.

Alright, in all honesty, I was planning to donate the books anyway, I just spotted the second-hand bookstore and went in to ask if they would buy my books. So instead dragging the books to the Red Cross donation spot across the town, I just donated them to an old geezer two blocks over, who now can sell them, get a profit and pay his sales person his salary. So, still a good deed? Even though I was bit gullible about it?

Gah. I knew books would be a difficult step for me, but I didn't think it would be in this particular way.
I need coffee.
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I've been trying to declutter my home following the KonMari method, and I'm only in the second step - the books.

I'm looking at the pile of books I have, and I'm both surprised how few (?) and how many books I have - I'm pretty sure I own more than this, but for the world of me I can't figure out where they are... But I clearly remember some books that I have but I haven't found. Strange!

This going through stuff is surprisingly exhausting, and I do hope the method holds true in that I don't have to do this again. Because I think one time is quite enough of this!

Sigh. Coffee break!
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The budgeting system I started to follow back in January has proven to be a good choice: I'll reach my saving goal for this year in next month! Yay :D Now, what to do?

Several people have asked am I planning to study something this fall - first I was amused, after the third person asked the same I started to think that, well, I could study something. The Uni offers the basic studies of Business Economics, and it covers interesting stuff, like marketing, management and entrepreneurship. So, I could use the saved money for those courses (around here, Uni studies are free if you are accepted in the Uni, but everyone can study the same things through the Open University program, you just have to pay a fee for every course).

It's a big chunk of money for the whole set of basic studies (it's cheaper overall if I pay for all of the courses I want to take at once, instead one by one) but it would be something interesting to do since the summer season is over and my hours will drop again until the Christmas sale season.

It's just that I've tried to study these things before, and I failed pretty miserably, so I would rather not waste the money again. On the other hand, I know more about the math side of things now, so there's hope I could pass the accounting part of the studies. And I glanced all the course books in the library, those didn't look too complicated.

Gah! I can't decide :(
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I colored a picture with just black marker - it turned out surprisingly cool! I like those abstract, swirly sort of patterns, which work well in black & white. It's just difficult to know when to stop, since leaving parts of the pattern white is the point! :D The finished piece still looks like you could color it again, which I think looks great.

Well anyway. I went back to the '100 words / day = smiley face in calendar' -system, and even though the hundred words doesn't seem to amount to any kind of story, I feel slightly better. Like it isn't such a big deal to start writing - maybe one day I just keep going and don't look back.

I stopped by the Uni library, and I found an interesting grammar book that is focused on writing fiction. Maybe I'll finally learn all about the comma? Fingers crossed :D
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Well, I've been coloring, but instead getting any ideas about writing, I'm now totally hooked on coloring. Blast! :D

I noticed that if I color awhile in the morning, I worry about things less and I feel more relaxed during the day. Also, this way I got the perfect excuse to indulge my desire for pens, and I bought a new set of coloring pens. Nothing fancy or expensive, but the new set have brighter colors and better grip than my old ones.

I don't know what's blocking my writing - I know I can start a project, but I just...don't. It's like an invisible barrier I need to push through, but I don't have the will for it.
It's just really frustrating.

Maybe it will sort itself out eventually.
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What is that writer's block called, where you are itching to write but you don't have any ideas? Zero. Not even a vague concept or bit of dialogue. Nothing.

It's bit heartening not to have a single idea, since back in the spring I had dozens of ideas for the Unconventional Courtship. What happened, writerly brain?

Maybe I will get my colouring book and start coloring again, sometimes ideas bubble up when I do something quiet and relaxing. Also, there was a few 'challenging' (and by that I mean 'asshole') customers at work, and I would rather forget all about it - coloring could help with that too.

But first, I'll paint my nails, that usually helps - right nailpolish at the right moment, surprisingly uplifting for my mood.
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I bought these fancy ballpoints with ink you can erase - I've wanted them for ages, but they are expensive and I only bought them because I thought they were part of the sale in the store. But the receipt showed that they took the full price! I should've gone back and showed the receipt but ah. It's hard for me to do that.

See, instant karma. I should've hold fast and not buy pens, like I promised myself. (or notebook. Yes, I bought a notebook. I have no self-control at all).

Everything has been really odd lately, or more like felt odd. I can't seem to say anything right, it's like I'm talking gibberish or people hear me wrong all the time - everything is off in small but annoying way. I don't know. I just feel really stressed for no reason I can understand. Maybe it's the weather or something.

Uh. I have to go look at my monthly budget, I think I might have splurged too much already in three days (I also got my hair done, so...) Back to the program, miss!
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Sigh. This was rather terrible Camp Nano - I didn't manage a single kink bingo square, when my original plan was to get the line bingo. And I didn't come up with a different project, so I basically shifted the goal to editing the 'Hank/Alex Unconventional Courtship' -fic from the last Camp - and even that didn't really work, because that fic is still unfinished. :(

So. I got the Nano win, but honestly, the 10K was just a big pile of word fudging so it doesn't feel like a win.

It's almost August! And around here, that means that schools are about to start, which in turn means there's a lot of notebooks, pens and stuff on display in the stores. And that means that I'm locked in a battle with my inner child who wants ALL THE PENS and ALL THE NOTEBOOKS (like, one with Captain America and one with Iron Man and one with...)

I have enough empty notebooks that I could write longhand for every single day for a year and I still wouldn't run out of paper, and enough pens to go with that. So, pretty sure I don't need more. Except there are pens that have ink that smells like candy!?! :D (no, I didn't buy them, the grown-up part over ruled the excited child part, but I really wanted them)

But honestly, would one more pen be that bad?
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I went to see 'Alice Through the Looking Glass' with my friend. To be completely honest, the movie sucked. Sigh. That's the third movie on the row that had sucked, so is it the movies or me?

It was visually striking movie, but all the clockwork-Transformers and fancy time waves don't help when nothing else works. All the actors were just terrible, though Richard Armitage gets a gold star for a very royal declaration (it's the voice that does it XD) but 30 seconds of him in a royal robe and crown isn't nearly enough. Sigh.

I did like Time as character, mostly for the endless time related puns :D

Anyway, next try is Now You See Me 2 in few weeks - at least there will be Mark Ruffalo?


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