Deviant Tales

I finished Camp in 10K - which is a win in sense that I dropped the goal to that at the last minute, but a loss in a sense that I started with the aim of 25K. I also had a goal of no zero days, and I didn't get that either, this week has been nothing but zero days :(

But 10K still, that's good! Positive thoughts! (... it has been very hard to have those lately)

I've been drawing up the May Bujo pages, and I'm trying to think some goals to have. Stuff at work hasn't changed much, still a lot of questions up in the air. It's really stressful not to know what is going to happen, so I've been really cautious with goals, because I don't know what the situation will be in a month or two or three.

A lot of stuff is out of my control, so I try not to worry about them too much - and focus more on those things that I can control. I have brushed up my resumé, and written up a few versions of work applications. There isn't any jobs open at the moment, but there might be in a month or two or three. (Hopefully.)

I'm going to try to think positive thoughts. And now, to toast the end of Camp Nano - ice cold bottle of aloe vera water! Yum :) Delicious!

I think I mentioned in January that I was going to do the whole 'weekly budget - only buy stuff in cash' thing I've tried last year as well, but I didn't manage it then. Now I have done that, but also marked 'no spend' days in my bujo, and that has worked really well. Because last time my downfall was the small, innocuous buys that I did without stopping to think - but with the chance of getting a 'no spend' day mark, I find it easier to just ignore the whimsy buys.

And I feel like I plan better, I find it easier to think ahead in a smaller scale - like, how much food will I need if I have two 'no spend' days next. I've tried to plan for a week, but that's too complicated for me, and it haven't worked. Two days seem to be the optimal size. I've still tossed some food in trash, but not as much as before - not throwing away any food is the end goal, and I think I'm getting there.

Camp is not going well, I keep waffling about the historical setting - to do it, not to do it, I keep changing it around - the story just doesn't want to settle. Sigh. It the second week block, I just have to keep pushing through!

April sneaked on me, and it's Camp NaNo time!

I pretty much signed up on the 31th, with zero planning - so I started to write yet another Unconventional Courtship -story. I'm just really stuck to the "Hank/Alex + Harlequin romance + A/B/O" -combo, but that's alright. As long as writing is fun!

The only thing is that when I hit a wall with one story, I just start another - which means I have like, ten stories started (since November) and nothing finished. I wrote down as a year goal that I want to post something, but at this pace, that goal is looking pretty impossible to achieve.

The situation at work has stayed the same - we are working like everything is fine, when in reality it's not fine. And since looking for a new job is so difficult, I've just ignored the problem. Which is dumb, and I know it, but I still can't make myself to just face the situation head on, and work to solve it.

Well. Maybe I should write some more goals in my bujo, smaller the better, so taking the steps forward become easier (maybe).

I won! Purple bar! Cheering!

The final total is 50 026 words! (so I didn't win by much, but hey, it's over the line and that's enough :D)

In total I started 9 different stories. The longest one was a bit over 10K, the shortest 1K - none of them are really finished, but some are in a better shape than others. All are fics, and all started with the Unconventional Courtship -method.

Victory today, but what happens tomorrow?

I was thinking that for December, I should try giving daily time goals instead word counts - like 20 minutes worth of work, which can be anything; editing, writing, just drawing random mindmaps, whatever. Still a goal to aim at, but different enough for NaNo? I mean, it would be pretty amazing to post something at some time in near future :D (high hopes, I know)

But now it's time to celebrate!

I hit the 40K - yay! But I'm behind the schedule - boo!

Not terribly behind, I can still make it with 1 997 daily words but it will need work. Luckily I have a day off on the 30th, so I can write as much as it takes to cross the finish line. Toward the NaNo win!

So far I have about 10 stories started, and none finished. I don't really know what to do with these stories after NaNo ends, I think two (at least) are promising, in that if I structured them bit better, and rewrote it, they might turn up alright - with actual start, middle and end, ooh!

And I haven't planned what to do during December - I have my bullet journal ready, but I don't know what goals to set? Some goals would be good, I won't remember write anything without some kind of goal, not in December when its busy at work.

Uh, let's not think about that then - 9 982 words to go, let's focus on that!

Yay, I got to the 20K!
It's spread over 6 stories, but that's fine - I feel good with those six at the moment, so perhaps I can hit the midway point without starting another story.

20K is more than I have written during the whole year - and I did it in 12 days (and I'm not done yet!).

I've been saying to myself for a long time that 'I can't write, I'm blocked'. Well, that's obviously bullshit - I can write, since I just did it? So the truth is more like: 'I don't want to write, and writer's block is a convenient excuse for it'

The core question: so why don't I want to write?
I suppose if I can figure out the answer to that, I could feel better writing even outside NaNo (gasp!)

Next stop: 25K Midway Point!

I updated my bullet journal for NaNo, and I also went and bought like 10€ worth of stickers for it. Well...I need 30 golden stars since I'm certainly going to hit 1667 every single day, right? (it's good to have goals in NaNo) I also have silver stars for 'good try, not enough words' type of days.

Harder to explain why I need the Iron Man stickers for...Hm. When the week is done it's Party Time by Tony S.? :D Or something?

I've been watching Thor / Avengers / Thor 2 in preparation for Ragnarök, though I have a long shift on Friday so I don't know if I can make it to the premiere. Hopefully on Sunday?

Well, I'm as ready as I can be for NaNo, let the writing begin! (tomorrow)

I've been writing! A complete mess of a story, but I'm not bothering with anything else but hitting the wordcount every single day. It's actually fun to jump around to from scene to scene, whatever pops my head. And having the bullet journal has helped too, I write my weekly writing plan and then keep ticking it off as I go.

I've been reading the NaNo forums, and everyone seems to have their ducks in the row already (or those who have no idea what they'll do, don't go around telling that :D). I don't know what to write - I was considering maybe doing 5 x 10K stories, because then I could change the story and jump around as much as I like. The problem with that approach is that it actually requires 5x the planning (and strictly speaking isn't even a NaNo).

I would like to write something of my own, but I have no characters or ideas for that, and I don't think I can come up with a working plan in two weeks. So fics it is! Most likely Unconventional Courtship based, because it helps to have a very concise starting point.

Sigh. NaNo is a stressful hobby!

Well, the Camp was a big fat fail this time around. I didn't get anywhere with the HBB (and honestly, I'm really sick of that story), I didn't come up an idea for UC (so I haven't even signed up, because what's the point) and frankly I didn't write much of anything.

This is so annoying and frustrating, and I don't know what to do to get even some writing done. Even little bit? One tiny story, or something? It's depressing.

In related news, I have one long week of work, and then some more vacation time!
Upside: getting far away from customers (so tired with weird whining. I don't lose my cool against anything customers come up with, but apparently even I have a limit, and its coming up).
Downside: two weeks off halfs my paycheck and destroys my monthly budget for September. I've saved money so it's not going to be a massive problem, it's just that there isn't really any margin for error and that stresses me out.

I wish I had a dog to hug, I would feel better.

Yay, remix done and the recipient enjoyed it, so it's all good! I pushed the editing right to the deadline with a mad dash - long days at work and warm weather are not good combination for my writing brain. But I think the story turned out alright, so mission accomplished!

I joined the Camp Nano cabin, but it's not a fun cabin for me - most of the people are old-school NaNo people, who have known each other for ages, so they have lots of inside jokes and they like to talk about RL stuff. Which is fine, it's a chat, they can talk whatever they like - it just makes me uncomfortable because it feels like I'm eavesdropping on private conversations between friends.

Anyway. I put the HBB fic as my goal to finish during Camp, so I'm going to go read it through what I have so far and then keep going with that. I need to get that finished and off my mind, it has been dragging on too long. If I get it finished soon-ish, I could start planning the Unconventional Courtship?

Yep, that's the plan for the Camp!