Deviant Tales

The sale season is heating up - and soon over, too. We predicted that today and tomorrow will be the busiest days, bit unsure how Saturday and Sunday shape up, but we'll see then. At least all the seasonal items have been packed and crammed on the shelves, so it's just the matter of selling them all - no one wants Christmas flavors after Christmas, that's just how it is.

So, I've been chugging roseroot to stay calm and pleasant in the middle of annoying co-workers and the press of customers (who are mostly very nice though), which leads to wild dreams!

Last night I had a dream that I had a mutant ability, which was to fix small appliances with touch! (like toasters and electric tea kettles) That would be neat, and in the dream I fixed a broken fridge just like that :D Hilarious. Well done sleeping brain, I was very entertained by this dream.

Uh, month is almost over, time has gone so fast. It's almost year 2019, and I haven't started to think how to draw up my Bujo - I want to make some yearly goals, but considering I barely got one yearly goal done this year, I'm probably keeping that list VERY short. >.< I just want the feel of accomplishment, that's all!

I'm already dreading January, I always get some bad news in January, and I can't predict at all in which way that bad news is coming this time.

Well, let's get this Christmas season done, and then stress about what's coming.

Two days behind in the new job, bit mixed feelings. Everyone seems nice and friendly, there's plenty of stuff to do (well, I just started doing things and no one objected, so...) but they have their own way of doing things that sometimes I have to wonder what is going on. Mostly because some practices go so against what I've been taught to be right, that I'm just baffled that someone would do that (for example, money in the cash register should always be in certain order and the bills facing right way up - basic sales stuff 101, right? Here they don't seem to care one way or other o.O It was all willy-nilly! Wtf?)

But I don't feel like I can point stuff out (and does it even matter, since I'll be there for what, six weeks? And the group has done things their way for years and years), so I've tried to bite my tongue. Ok, my anxiety flipped from that money thing, so I did kind of point out that money should be handled certain way - don't know if anyone listened though, because some time later I noticed someone had left the cash register half-closed so that money was showing but left the register area. Like... WTF?!? Sure, there was no customers at the moment, but really, if you do nothing else as a sales person, guard the fucking money, holy hell.

Uuh... The older I get, the more I want my own shop where I can do things the way I bloody well like, seriously. Too bad small shops are a dying breed, so not a smart career thing, this.

Anyways. I started NaNo just for the heck of it, and I have managed 1667 both days, yay :D If I get 5K today, I promised myself I can buy some make-up; maybe new lipstick even! Ooh :D

Well, my landlord had no actual business at all, they just wanted to come say hello and see if there was anything to discuss >.< I was tempted to tell them not to call and give such ominous messages as 'there's something I must discuss with you face to face' when they mean 'I want to come by and check the place since I'm in town'. But I was nice and polite as is proper.

Fucking hell, I was so anxious about this whole thing for a week, and it was all for nothing. I don't know if I should laugh or cry.

Also, I've been looking for Christmas season jobs, and I'm especially keeping my fingers crossed for one who are offering full hours for December. That would be great, I'm hoping they would at least ask me for an interview!

So, that has been my week. I need to lie down and listen some calming nature sounds for an hour.

Finally things started move forward in the work front. Yesterday we started the inventory, and our store is closed for the unforeseeable future as the lawyers start to negotiate about the future with the chain managers. If they reach agreement, we will open again, or if not, we will hold a final sale and clear out the store.

I don't know what our customers might be thinking, since we only told about the store being closed for inventory but if we are closed much further next week I'm sure the rumor mill starts to churn. And I'm anticipating that someone from our regulars might stop me in the street and ask about it, which would be pretty awkward since it's not like I can talk about it. (I don't know what will happen, what's there to talk about?)

It's just such a weird feeling - was yesterday my last day? Or not? I'm both sad and upset, and cautiously hopeful at the same time, which is confusing.

Luckily my best friend is coming for a visit, it's good to have something else to think about, so I don't end up obsessing about this work stuff for the whole weekend. I'm already having trouble sleeping for thinking about this, I don't need to do the same through the days too.

And there's always the soccer world cup going, if nothing else helps :D Three games a day, that's a lot of soccer!

Something is finally being decided about the future of our store. I don't know if it will be good new or bad, but after five months of anxious and stressful waiting, I'm ready to just know.

I'll try to trust that it will be fine either way; if the store is closed, I will find a new job, or if the store stays, it will be fine under the new management.

It's just this bloody not knowing that gets me anxious - I function much better when I know the reality of the situation.

Fingers crossed that I still have a job next month.

I finished Camp in 10K - which is a win in sense that I dropped the goal to that at the last minute, but a loss in a sense that I started with the aim of 25K. I also had a goal of no zero days, and I didn't get that either, this week has been nothing but zero days :(

But 10K still, that's good! Positive thoughts! (... it has been very hard to have those lately)

I've been drawing up the May Bujo pages, and I'm trying to think some goals to have. Stuff at work hasn't changed much, still a lot of questions up in the air. It's really stressful not to know what is going to happen, so I've been really cautious with goals, because I don't know what the situation will be in a month or two or three.

A lot of stuff is out of my control, so I try not to worry about them too much - and focus more on those things that I can control. I have brushed up my resumé, and written up a few versions of work applications. There isn't any jobs open at the moment, but there might be in a month or two or three. (Hopefully.)

I'm going to try to think positive thoughts. And now, to toast the end of Camp Nano - ice cold bottle of aloe vera water! Yum :) Delicious!

I got a gift card as a birthday present for a craft shop - and I spent the card on Bujo stuff, such as glitter tape and stickers. I also got a new journal, with the actual dots, which is so much easier than a blank page one I had before - just count the dots and draw the lines, no need to measure!

So I've had great fun designing the April in my new journal. It's the perfect relaxing Sunday activity - a cup of tea, Ms. Marple on the telly, pile of washi tape, and go! I got gold-tinted washi's, so April is looking very festive at the moment :D

I've noticed that I really enjoy drawing up the month, but I pretty much forget to write anything in the book during the week. So there's just long empty stretches dotted by stickers here and there. Probably not the optimal way to use a bujo, but small steps. I've only done it for five months!

April is Camp Nano, so I need to make a plan for it - and set some sort of goal. Camp's are so free form that I have trouble making them work for me - I just give up when I hit the wall, instead pushing through. Well, there's still time.

Uh, I've forgotten how difficult and annoying writing job applications can be. I have a folder of material on how to write them, there's tons of advice on net as well, and yet it feels completely impossible to do.

Well, it's mostly the getting started part - like with any other type of writing project, really. Which is why I'm really happy that my colleague and I have a deal to help each other out. She's coming over for coffee in Wednesday, and we will look over each others papers - so I better have some sort of first draft done for that! Stern deadlines are the best for the difficult writing projects - and it's good to get feedback.

Also I need to list all the possible towns I could move to (well, I could move anywhere, but there are places I like more than others), and what chain stores there are in those towns, so I can just push one application on several locations.

And to help my stress (not), the news have been filled to the brim on how hard it is to get a job in today's work market! >.< This topic has been reported the same way for the last twenty years, so I try to ignore it, but it's really hard to stay positive.

No news about the job situation, but I got the decision on the housing benefits - I do get some! That's a good thing, and I can re-apply if the job situation changes.

I finally got the second step of KonMari done, a.k.a The Papers (or almost done, there's some small piles to sort through still). Achievement! I've been working on other categories and avoiding the Papers, because it was hard for me to go through them. Mostly because I had to face my university-self, and other stuff, like my dad's death and the paperwork from that.

Maybe not the easiest thing to tackle at the moment, considering, but it does feel good to have it done. Also I found some fun stuff too, like photographs, a complete astrological chart and several empty notebooks and pens. Score!

I'm trying to focus on positive things, but it's hard. Also insomnia doesn't really help, but that's why I need to do something, because sleeping at odd hours will be worse.

I've been really organized, and got some bureacratic stuff done, aka the housing benefit application for 2018.

I'm also worried that I will not get any housing benefits this year - there's a new landlady for this property, and she wanted to shift my rent so that the actual rent portion went down, but the portion for water went up, leading to a slight raise in overall rent (here the rent is usually 'rent+water'). The problem is, the housing benefits are counted on the basis of rent, not rent+water, so for them, my rent has lowered.

So, that's a lot of anxiety for me (money stuff always is, I react badly to changes in that front). Good thing though, that I got a new internet connection which is considerably cheaper than my old one, so that's a monthly save right there!

Now I just have to draw up a new budget that I can keep up through the year - I think I'm going to aim using cash more, because it's always easier for me to consider purchases when I have the money right there, with card I just buy dumb stuff without a second thought. (I think my source of anxiety is that I want to both spend money, and not spend money. It's an impossible combination)

Considering the money anxiety, is good to have a busy week at work, keeps my mind off of things.