a_q | Entries tagged with writing

I really want to write smutty stuff the way I used to - quick, dirty, and no holds barred (heh).

But I haven't been able to do that for a long time now, and no matter what sort of prompts or ideas I get, it's just not happening. At best, I can manage some sort of 'fade to black' moment, and that's it.

I've tried to figure out what the problem is with that, and I think it might go all the way back to my public WIP, The Deal. That story got stuck when I started editing the porny bits, and I never got back it. I started posting it unfinished, because I thought it would help jolt me to write it, but instead I lost all interest for it (in my head it became finished because it was posted.)

And that was two years ago. That story is the last XMFC story I've posted (not counting the remix) so it stares at me every time I go to my AO3 page, and I feel guilty about it every time.
(...Which might be the root of my posting anxiety as well, because I obviously feel bad opening my AO3 page)

Obvious solution is to finish that story and finally get over it, but I have no clue how to do that.

I started to work on the longest NaNo fic, 'A Marriage of Rogues' that ended up in the 10K range. Mostly because that story I liked the best, and it already has a start and a finish (well, sort of).

I have the romace beat sheet, so I started by digging up the good bits from that 10K clump of words. Then I chucked the bits in the beat sheet, then added stuff to bridge the gaps. Tadah! A skeleton of a story, with start, midpoint and end, and not much blank spots in between.

Except now my writerly brain is like "So, that story is done! Let's move on!" and I'm like "No, we still need to rewrite the story" and writerly brain was like "No, done now!" and I was "Except it's not finished yet?" and writerly brain was "Like you said, finished!"

Uuuh, writerly brain! Stop it!

I'm not good at finishing things, that much is clear. But I really want to post something! I have only posted one story this year. One story! >.< That's sad, there was a time when I posted one story in like, a month? So, I want to post more! I don't know how to achieve that though.

My friend has been talking about bullet journaling, so I looked it up. I don't need such system for everyday things (I don't have much to remember, either I'm working or not) but I thought I would try it for writing related things. I have a notebook for all sorts of random writing stuff, and the bujo -system could actually work for that.

I didn't buy the fancy book, I just started on a plain notebook with a pencil but I think it has been pretty good experience so far. I've been doing the "+50 words / day" pace as a warm up to NaNo (because going from zero to Nano won't work), so I've written down the daily goals, stuff I need to figure out before NaNo, ideas collections, that sort of stuff.

The danger is that I get too caught up with planning the writing instead writing, but that's always the danger.

So, 250 words for today, I better go get them!

I found a few great summaries for the Unconventional Courtship, but the posting dates are from the mid-August to mid-September, and I don't know if I have time to write the story I want to.

I do have a two-week vacation time coming up, so that's a possibility. Also the fic doesn't have to be more than 1K (for some reason I keep thinking its 10K o.O) Another problem is that I don't know which fandom or pairing I want to write, so that will slow down the proceedings.

Two more days of work, then I'll have the rest of the week off, and I have time to focus on the HBB. I realized that I was too focused on hitting the 10K, when in fact the story will requier a lot more words than just 10K. That's why the ending was giving me trouble, because the story isn't finished. Sigh.

Well, at least I won't have any trouble hitting my Camp Nano goal? Upside in everything!

Camp NaNo is going a bit slow, but in its way just fine - I'm at 5K from the 10K goal, its just that I don't have time to write every day. Especially since it's the annual festival weekend and the town is packed with people (and hopefully customers). So busy time at work. Also I'm stuck with the HBB fic, and I don't know how to end the damn thing.

I've been trying to come up with ideas for the Unconventional Courtship, but I haven't found any summaries to spark my interest. Maybe I could work on the ideas from last summer, to get through the camp.

I just need to get 5K and it's a wrap on Camp for the summer! Not too bad, I'm sure I can do it.

Yay, remix done and the recipient enjoyed it, so it's all good! I pushed the editing right to the deadline with a mad dash - long days at work and warm weather are not good combination for my writing brain. But I think the story turned out alright, so mission accomplished!

I joined the Camp Nano cabin, but it's not a fun cabin for me - most of the people are old-school NaNo people, who have known each other for ages, so they have lots of inside jokes and they like to talk about RL stuff. Which is fine, it's a chat, they can talk whatever they like - it just makes me uncomfortable because it feels like I'm eavesdropping on private conversations between friends.

Anyway. I put the HBB fic as my goal to finish during Camp, so I'm going to go read it through what I have so far and then keep going with that. I need to get that finished and off my mind, it has been dragging on too long. If I get it finished soon-ish, I could start planning the Unconventional Courtship?

Yep, that's the plan for the Camp!

I finished the remix in time, but it went to the deadline so no Estelle & Thild -cosmetics for me. Boo! (Though I bought the lipstick when I shouldn't, so...)

The HBB fic still unfinished, nothing official posted in the community but some of the participants have posted their things on their own, if I understood it right. I'm committed to finish this fic, so maybe I should take it as the first Camp Nano project and give it a deadline of my own.

Though I'm going to have a lot of work for the next two weeks, so the start of the Nano might be a bit slow. Luckily this week is supposedly going to be very rainy and cold, so that helps. (If its hot, I can't function)

Breakfast, coffee, and then off to work!

It's Midsummer Eve, and it's bloody cold - my favorite Midsummer weather (or whole summer weather really :D)

Gaah, I'm stalled on the Remix. I started so strong and now I'm just iddling, because I can't decide if I should add more stuff, or not. On the other hand, why not add stuff, go big or go home! Or you know, don't add stuff for the heck of it, because it gets weird at some point.

I need more Canada's Worst Driver's on the background, except I've seen every season twice now (yes, I have a problem - but it's the perfect background for so many things! Like writing, and cleaning.)

Also I should come up with a plan for the Camp Nano. Unconventional Courtship would be a the logical choice, but I also want to try write some of my own stuff from last NaNo, because I got some ideas about the characters.

Well, there's still a week to go, so no rush - except I have a lot of work next two weeks, so I probably don't have time to really think about it before I have to start writing. So...Pantsing it is!

I bought the Zuii lipstick, because it was on sale and I couldn't resist. Boo, self! I hadn't earned it at all, since the HBB fic is still unfinished.

I have started on the Remix, and I had a good plan to keep it very tight and contained, but now the damn thing has sprouted plot. Gaah!

Still on vacation, I had big plans to clean my closets, but I haven't really started on that either. So... But I have this week still, so I'm hoping I'm going to get at least something done (but I won't beat myself up if I don't, it's vacation time after all)

Oh, I went to see the Wonder Woman! It was great, just like everyone said. I loved how sweet and kind Diana was, and super-badass at the same time. And she went through tough stuff, and she still was sweet and kind in the end. That was really special.

Well, I better go write, and make some plans because July's Camp Nano starts in two weeks (!).

Once again I missed on the lipstick - bit too knackered after work to really focus on it. Rewriting takes always much more time than I anticipate.

I got a good start though, so that's great! And I have a vague idea about the ending, which is even better! (vague idea is better than no idea)

Also, I started my vacation time by washing my windows, going through all the laundry and next I'm planning to get stuck into the KonMari - I never finished the process, and I feel like I've been sliding back to the previous chaos.

I got some reference literature for the Remix, mostly because I want to hit the right mood with it. I'm going to get stuck into that after I get the HBB closer to the finish line. There haven't been anything new posted in the community, so I don't actually know if the Bang is happening or not anymore, but I've come this far, it would be great to post something anyway?

Ugh, work - partly quiet, partly very busy, so it's half dusting, half running around. Bit tiring, really. But only four days until the first half of my summer vacation, and the weather forecast promises a cold weather front, yay! That's what I like!

So, writing front: ugh also. Since I'm having trouble getting started, here's the public carrot post that worked so well during Camp:

1. If the HBB fic is finished by next Sunday, 4th of June, I can order one (1) lipstick (which I didn't get from Camp Nano) - Absolution Pure Pink nro. 7, or Zuii Organics Cashmere

2. Remix posted at any time before the deadline, as in the Midsummer Weekend, and I can buy one (1) item from Estelle & Thild -series, no matter how expensive (as in I want the night cream from that line)

I'll write these on sticky notes and stick them somewhere I can see - Look where you want to go, and then go!

Ugh, I'm completely blocked on the Hobbit Big Bang fic. I didn't even have the courage to open the file and read through the 3/4 of the story I had. I had four days free this week, and I did everything but write. Gah! So now I have long days for the next five days, so it will be even harder to find time to write (though when it's quiet at the store and I'm just cleaning, that's a great time to think about the story).

Part of the problem might be that I don't have a clear deadline at the moment like I had in April with Camp. According the timetable the posting for BB should start at June, but the mod haven't posted anything in the community since April, so hard to know what's supposed to happen. Of course it would be best to have the story finished in next few days, just in case, but apparently my writing brain is not on board with that plan. Damn.

And another writing conundrum: I looked through my remix assigment, and I got clear and immediate idea what I wanted to write. Here's the problem: last time I went with such idea, the fic turned out bit...disliked? So now I'm pretty gun-shy on immediate ideas, because they tend to land me in hot water. Except clear and immediate ideas are great; easy to start writing, and they propel you when you get stuck! That's why I would like to keep the idea, but...Hot water.

I'll brainstorm some other ideas, see if the immediate one holds up. Also, the Big Bang. Editing and rewriting that is more urgent, timetable wise.

So, I went to see GoTG vol.2 and guess what? First I laughed so hard that I cried, and then I just plain cried.

Goddammit. They got me good! And the reviews were like, 'this isn't as good as vol.1' - pfft! It was brilliant, and I wish I had gone sooner because now I don't have a chance to see it again because I'll be working evenings. Well, I'll be most certainly getting the Blu-Ray the second it comes out, that's for sure.

I've been working on the HBB fic, and I think I have a good idea how to land on an ending, though I'm not quite sure what the ending will be - romantic, or just 'let's take it slow and be friends'. The problem is, that all this time I've been thinking I've been writing a romantic story, but I don't think it is, not really. So that's why the end is hard to figure out, because I don't really know what the start is either.

Maybe if I read it through with a critical eye, and see if I could tweak it in some clear category, the end would appear! Fingers crossed.

I'm suddenly and completely addicted to 'Canada's Worst Driver' -show. Damn Netflix! /shakes fist to the sky

It is a terrible show with a heart of reality gold, and I always fall for those like a big heart-eyed doofus. See also: Masterchef:Australia, The Block, House Rules, My Kitchen Rules, Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (yet another Netflix treasure) and on and on.

Oh, but Canada's Worst Driver. I don't have a driver's licence and I have never driven a car (well, once on the private road to a summer cottage when I was like four, but mostly it was dad driving, me sitting on his lap and pretending to steer, so that doesn't count) and even I know some of the stuff those drivers do are completely, utterly bonkers insane. It's horrible! I can't stop watching!

In another news, Unconventional Courtship is coming back this summer! Yay! :D Wonder if I could finish that Alex/Hank story this time? I can't let it go! I can't finish it either! It's just there, forever going on and on in agonizing romance hell!

I need to do what they keep saying in the CWD: look where you want to go (and then you will go there). I'm sure that applies both driving and writing. Right?

I got a new, short hair-do - my head feels oddly light, even though I didn't have very long hair before. The hairdresser showed me how to do curls by using the straightening iron (my mom is having a big birthday shindig this year, so I needed some help for fancier look) and it looked so simple! And I'm sure I can never do it myself! I need to practice for few weeks, see if I can replicate it.

Also I need to find a pretty skirt, shoes and some sort of glittery head piece or hair pin - I feel like that's fancy enough and won't blow my budget, since I also need to find a present and book a hotel room for the weekend.

So lots to do! And it's the last week of Camp Nano, and I want to get this fic beaten into submission - I have easy week coming up, so I have time to write too /knock on wood

Dinner, coffee and writing, in that order!

Oh, this week has gone terribly writing wise. I'm still stuck in the little over 10K - official Camp Nano win right there, so maybe that squashed my motivation? So no chance on the lipstick. One more week to earn it until Camp is over, darn it.

Ok, I have to admit that I have made wrong choices all week - when I had time to write, I chose to do something else that was not really important. Rookie mistake! Writing time is for writing, that's the rule number one during any Nano.

Sigh. We need to rally, writing brain!

I didn't reach the lipstick-goal - second week in a row, boo. But it's a new week, a new try; 7K in Sunday the 23th, and the lipstick is mine! (Or possibly mascara, because I'm running out of that, and Zuii Organics has a great one that I like)

I did however reach the 10K goal, so I can go order the raw chocolate I wanted! I'm probably going to go with Lovechock, Loving Earth, or the best, the glorious, Pana Chocolate - piece of that is like revelation what chocolate can truly be.

So, I've got three zero days in a row, but I need to get past this slump because the artist claims have started in the Big Bang, and in the of chance someone claims mine, it would be nice to have a piece ready for them to read and get an idea of the story. Camp Rewrite for this week, I think.

But first, a bit of celebration about 10K! Yay! :D

I'm 197 words away from 10K and NOW my writing brain decides its done with this whole Nano thing.

Oh, c'mon! I could order bunch of delicious raw chocolate bars, if only there was 197 words more - and if there was whole 4K more by tomorrow, I could get the lipstick! Think of the lipstick, writing brain?!? (writing brain doesn't care, that's the problem)

I got the HBB rough draft send in time, but now I don't like how I changed my original Unconventional Courtship -concept, and I want to change it back - which means rewriting the whole thing. Not a problem in a way that I planned to do that anyway, but I had an ending in mind and now it all has to be rehauled. Ugh. Maybe that's why the writing brain is stumped.

Oh, idea: if I eat some raw chocolate, it will jolt my writing brain to work, because there's no more chocolate until that 10K is done. 197! That's nothing, this darn post is longer than that!
C'mon!

I didn't reach my "10K by Sunday" reward - it's Sunday, I have to go to work, there's no more I can do, so no lipstick for me. Boo.

But I do have about 7K, so that's really great! Considering that I haven't written a drop this year, it's amazing wordcount. I'm really happy with that, even though I'm not really excited about the story - I'm hammering it together, but of course it's feeling forced when I'm forcing it to happen.

I think I'm going to switch gears for the next Camp week, and work on the "Gentleman Behind the Veil" from last summer.

So new wager: 7K (1K a day) until next Sunday, and the lipstick shall be mine!
(whatever more I manage to write today won't count)

I've chosen the lipstick already, it's Zuii Organics 'Cashmere', so I can go look at the picture occasionally and admire it - surprisingly motivating! :D

I've been writing! Actual words in an actual page of the notebook!

I just wrote something, and now I'm trying to stay cool and not freak out, in case that the mood passes and I can't get back in to it. Knock on wood, fingers crossed, salt over the shoulder! (Rationally I know that writing isn't actually a luck based thing, but really, why take the chance)

The Hobbit Big Bang story has to be in some sort of readable form in start of April when the artist claims start, so it's a bloody time I get stuck in that. I had an idea I feel excited about, and I'm hoping it will carry to the end.

So yay, writing! :D

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Deviant Tales

Staring At the Ao3 Page

That Ol' Writerly Brain

That Bullet Journal Fad

Summaries, the Key to Everything!

The Lack of Camp Equipment

Let's go, camping calls!

If you keep staring at the obstacle, you'll hit the obstacle

Midsummer!

Side Step Your Own Rules

Steer, Steer

Look Where You Want To Go, Pt. 2

Target Fixation!

Focus On the Solution, Not the Problem!

Look Where You Want To Go

Regular Stuff

The Last 9 Days of Camp Nano

Not The Easiest Goal

Oh Seriously Now, Writing Brain!

Still Camping!

Huzzah!

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October 2019

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